It's Valentine's, Will You Rent Me? Chapter 1

It's Valentine's, Will You Rent Me? Chapter 1

T/N: Valentine’s Day special!!! Found this super cute oneshot about an editor and a god tier writer. A guaranteed cute, fluffy short read (ノ´ヮ`)ノ*: ・゚ Happy Valentine’s everyone!

It's Valentines, Will You Rent Me?【七夕,你租了吗?】
Author: 云过是非

******
【The God who Has Insomnia】:Tomorrow's Valentines! I wish all couples turn out to be older brothers and younger sisters!!!

【Love is too Tender.】:But it seems like the elder sister-younger brother trope is trending now

【Invisible Mo】:Ah? Elder sister-younger brother tropes are trending? Then I wish that they'll all be elder sisters and younger brothers bei~

【The God who Has Insomnia】:I thought that I was the only ruthless one, but turns out you guys are worse!

【Flirt till It Hurts】:By the way, it's our Medicine God's birthday tomorrow! And coincidentally it's Valentine's Day1!

【Love is too Tender.】:OMG! Medicine God!!!! I love him the most, I'm his brainless fan!

【Invisible Mo】:Nowadays who isn't his brainless fan?

【Counterfeit Goods】:Someone in our residence is performing a recital for him, are you guys going down to listen tomorrow

【Love is too Tender.】:Recital? Medicine God is a writer right, he won't be suited for radio dramas

【The God who Has Insomnia】:He's too famous bei, if Medicine God's going then I'm definitely going too!

【Counterfeit Goods】:To read Medicine God's novel, I've already stayed up for the past three days. I haven't even updated my own novel for the past three days and three nights!!!

【Editor XO】:Do you feel like that's a very honourable thing?

【Counterfeit Goods】:It's an honour to love Medicine God!

【Love is too Tender.】:O~ Lou2~ County the poster above you is Bianbian!

【Counterfeit Goods】:………………Good evening Bianbian! Good night Bianbian! Bianbian bye bye!

【Love is too Tender.】:Pft

【Editor XO】:Good your sister! Good night your sister! Bye bye your sister! Have you updated your novel! You even have the nerve to mention that you haven't updated your novel in three days you asshole! The only thing you know to say is Medicine God this Medicine God that! Do you know how fast he updates his novels? His hand speed gets him 10 000 words per hour! It's per hour not per hundred hours! He has never stopped updating never never ever for the past three years! Not three days three days! It's three years! If he's not a God by now it would be weird, but you guys you guys! All you guys know to do is to stop updating! Today your games will stop updating, tomorrow the winds will stop updating, the day after that the rain and lightning will stop updating, and the day after that your great aunt's remarriage will stop updating! Even your love life will stop updating!!!!

【The God who Has Insomnia】:……………………Bianbian, I've been reading a lot of Sherlock Holmes lately, and according to my very logical deduction, I guess that you've been dumped, so you don't feel too good?

【Editor XO】:Dumped your fucking grandfather!!!!!

【Flirt till It Hurts】:……Bianbian from the way you're speaking, I'll think that you're a raging shou, your image as a monarch gong in my heart is falling apart!

【Love is too Tender.】:Raging shou +1

【Editor XO】:Raging your grandfather! Shou your grandfather! Dumped your grandfather! Laozi is a gong!!!!!!

【Editor XO】:Wait! I'm not a gong! Nor a shou! I like girls = =

【The God who Has Insomnia】:You don't need to explain……

【Flirt till It Hurts】:Explaining means concealing……

【Love is too Tender.】:Concealing means it's the truth……

【Counterfeit Goods】:Thus……the truth is that our raging shou Bianbian was dumped?

【Editor XO】:Counterfeit you grandfather!!!!! Go and update your novel! If you don't write 25 000 words today I'll go knock on your door! You better be careful!

【Counterfeit Goods】:……please don't! It's already 11pm, it's only an hour before tomorrow! Even Medicine God doesn't have the hand speed to churn out 25 000 words in one hour, that will defy the natural order of our world!

Xia Xiao rage quit the author's group, his author actually dared to haggle with him?! It's all because of that damn "Forgot My Medicine"! A God actually came up with such an abnormal name.

Speaking of Forgot My Medicine, he's actually a bigtime god-level writer.

The year Xia Xiao became an editor, he joined the first and last alphabet of his name to use as his editor name. As a greenhorn, he was fearless and ready to go all out, and that was when he noticed someone. That person's writing was extraordinary; reading his narratives and plots were like going on a rollercoaster ride, and most importantly, he was an unsigned writer!

Xia Xiao had just graduated and didn't have any working experience, so he didn't know that most heavyweight-level gods wouldn't sign contracts. Hence, he excitedly went to sweet talk Medicine God.

Forgot My Medicine saw that an ignorant little editor had come to sweet talk himself. Originally he could've just blocked his messages, but this editor's name was really funny – it was actually XO! So, he added the little editor's QQ number as a joke.

Afterwards, Medicine God displayed his black belly capabilities and fooled the little editor into running rounds around him. The little editor had enthusiastically and patiently explained all of the clauses and items of note in the author's contract, and Medicine God indicated that there was no problem with it, but……one need only think to know that, the Medicine God had spirited away.

The little editor waited patiently for the Medicine God's contract, but he hadn't even caught a glimpse of it for one whole month. He waited until one day, when his colleagues were unwittingly discussing about the well-known Medicine God that he knew — this Forgot My Medicine is actually an author who won't sign contracts……

Xia Xiao then knew that he had been played with. If it was someone else, they would've definitely just endured this grievance, but Xia Xiao has always had a bad temper. He opened his QQ to look for Forgot My Medicine's username, double-clicked on it, and from then on, Forgot My Medicine turned into Editor XO's emotional rubbish bin.

When he met top-level authors, he must look for his rubbish bin to complain a bit; when he meets top-level publishers, he must look for his rubbish bin to scold them a bit; when his performance at work suffers, when he needs to attend meetings, and even when his internet hangs he needed to look for Medicine God to be his rubbish bin. This was called an eye for an eye3— you had played me before, so I'm playing you back now.

It's just that this Forgot My Medicine doesn't seem to think that he's being harassed at all…….

【Editor XO】:Get out here!

【Forgot My Medicine】:What happened?

【Editor XO】:Because of your novel, my author hasn't updated his novel in three days!

【Forgot My Medicine】:O? So……you want me to take responsibility?

【Editor XO】:= =

【Forgot My Medicine】:Do you want me to take responsibility through marriage4? Marrying you is fine, but if it's someone else then forget it

【Editor XO】:Your grandfather= =

【Forgot My Medicine】:Be civilised

【Editor XO】:Can civilization be eaten!

【Forgot My Medicine】:It can't, but I know what you ate today

【Editor XO】:What a joke, you even know what I ate for dinner?

【Forgot My Medicine】:I know

【Forgot My Medicine】:Gunpowder5

【Editor XO】:= =

【Forgot My Medicine】:Say it, who provoked you, were you dumped

【Editor XO】:艹……you know that too?!

【Forgot My Medicine】:Of course, I'm Sherlock

【Editor XO】:= =Bragger! The cow's flying6!

【Forgot My Medicine】:O, I'm more considerate than Sherlock

【Editor XO】:That's not right! There's definitely a traitor in my author's group!

【Forgot My Medicine】:……you're pretty smart, there're just a few of my fans in there

【Forgot My Medicine】:But the main point is what gunpowder did you eat

【Editor XO】:……

【Forgot My Medicine】:Say it ba

【Editor XO】:I have a childhood friend whom I grew up with and we're pretty close, but after he made a new friend in University we stopped liaising with each other. But! Today!!! That friend of his actually came up to me to show off! And asked me not to pester him anymore! We haven't contacted each other in three years, pester his ass!

【Forgot My Medicine】:O……

【Editor XO】:That's it?

【Forgot My Medicine】:Find a boyfriend even more handsome than him, then you can show him off too

【Editor XO】:Where can I find one that easily?!

【Editor XO】:……

【Editor XO】:艹……I'm a guy! Why would I find a boyfriend!

【Forgot My Medicine】:That childhood friend of yours is a guy, you like your childhood friend, so you like men

【Editor XO】:!!! All because I used 'he7'?

【Forgot My Medicine】:So how's my plan? You find someone even more handsome than him to show off in front of him

【Editor XO】:Stop changing the topic, and also do you think handsome men fall from the sky like meat pieces and hail? How can I find one that easily

【Forgot My Medicine】:I have one readily available right here, you can rent him for Valentine's

【Editor XO】:Who?

【Forgot My Medicine】:Me

【Editor XO】:艹……you're really trying to compare who has the thicker skin with me aren't you

【Forgot My Medicine】:I'm really cheap, you just need to treat me to one meal and I'll be yours for a day, frenching is free too

【Forgot My Medicine】:Un……spending the night is charged separately, one meal won't be enough

【Editor XO】:Where's your lower limit?

【Forgot My Medicine】:It's been rubbed off by you

【Editor XO】:It's been really hard on you then

【Forgot My Medicine】:One word — hire, or not

【Editor XO】:Hired!

【Editor XO】:On the premise that you're handsome enough!

【Forgot My Medicine】:Cash on delivery

******

Xia Xiao stomped his foot. Even though it was still August's weather, autumn had already began setting in so when the winds blew at night it was quite cold. He was standing in a corner of the restaurant's carpark, that damn Forgot My Medicine said that he was caught in a jam and would only arrive in 5 minutes.

In order to save his face, Xia Xiao had to endure it. It's not like he could head in alone first, so he could only stand outside to wait for him then pretend to be like two smitten love birds when they walk in.

Xia Xiao looked at the second hand ticking away on his watch as he prepared to denounce the Medicine God for his crimes. But while he his head was lowered, someone flashed their car's headlights at him and a black Mercedes entered the carpark.

Xia Xiao was about to rebuke him, do you think you're all that just cause you drive a nice car so you can flash your headlights at people whenever you want, but instead the driver's window of the Mercedes rolled down, and the man sitting in the driver's seat flashed Xia Xiao a faint smile, "The good has arrived, do you think he's handsome enough?"

"……"=口=

Xia Xiao looked down at his t-shirt, berms, sports shoes……then looked at the shirt and suit pants that the man next to him was wearing and couldn't help but swallow his saliva. The lady attendant smiled sweetly, "This is your private room, please make your way in."

When the door opened, Xia Xiao heard a woman say, "Tch, I bet that damn gay doesn't dare to come! It's better if he doesn't anyway, lest he continues pestering my Ah Shan~"

The man next to him suddenly held his hand, then opened the door and smiled, "Pardon us for being late, this meal's my treat."

The private room instantly fell silent, the man held Xia Xiao's hand as they walked in, then pulled out a chair for him and arranged his tableware for him.

All of the man's movements were extremely gentle and elegant without a hint of awkwardness, as if it was natural for him to do so.

It was only when he took his seat that someone smiled and broke the group's impasse, "Xiao Xia this is your boyfriend? You're really something, he's so handsome!"

Xia Xiao coughed, "Of course, can't you see who he belongs to."

"What does your boyfriend do, he looks so rich. I recognise this shirt's brand, my husband loves it a lot but he can't afford it."

"Uh……he……"

Xia Xiao paused, he only knew that Forgot My Medicine was a part-time writer, but he didn't know anything else about him.

That man then said, "It's really impolite of me to forget to introduce myself. I'm Kuang Jianfan, I have a small company of my own."

"Wa! You're a boss, that's so amazing ah."

"Yeah yeah, how long have you guys known each other for. In the past I thought Xiao Xia would never be able to find a partner and get involved in scandals instead……"

"Wei!"

"Why did you jab at me! Uh……no……I didn't mean it……"

"That's alright." Kuang Jianfan maintained his perfect smile and not a hint of anger could be seen, "I know about Xiaxia8's past, we've been together for three years."

"Pu——cough! Coughcoughcough!"

Xia Xiao had just taken a sip of beer and immediately spit it out when he heard the words "Xiaxia". Kuang Jianfan hurriedly took a serviette to help him wipe it off which incited roaring laughter from the group as they gushed about how considerate Kuang Jianfan is.

As Kuang Jianfan stacked food onto Xia Xiao's plate, he chatted with the people he didn't know at this table; it was as if social gatherings were his forte, he could handle any social interaction with ease.

Kuang Jianfan said, we've been together for three years, and we even had a very romantic first encounter.

That year Kuang man had just started to get popular in the literary circle, a lot of websites and publishers wanted to sign him. But the man wasn't really interested, and author contracts are too disadvantageous; he's a businessman, how could he not know the inside workings of these types of contracts.

Then a little editor came along and recklessly tried to sweet talk him into signing a contract. The man was only teasing and playing around with him, but this little editor actually meticulously and patiently explained everything to him. It made the man see in this little editor his fresh graduate greenhorn self who was filled with passion and confidence.

It's just that afterwards, this little editor finally realised that this so-called God was actually lying to him, and that even though he had patiently explained everything to this God for a whole week, he was actually being played with. The little editor didn't do any of the things the man had expected him to — like blacklisting him and cutting off all ties with him, or reprimanding him for his horrible personality. Instead, he treated him as his emotional rubbish bin; whenever something bothered him or made him unhappy, the little editor would dump it all on him.

"O~~ so afterwards you were moved by Xiao Xia right?"

"Yes," Kuang Jianfan nodded and admitted it very straightforwardly, "So I thought that I might have started to like this little editor."

Afterwards the man looked for the publishing house that the little editor worked in based on the address found on his contract, then went to sneak a look at this editor named Xiao Xia. The man would drive to the publishing house every day after work, then finally, there was one day when the little editor was waiting for the bus at the bus stop when his colleague greeted him, and that was when the man knew what the editor called Xia Xiao looked like.

Thus, the man went to the publishing house everyday for a stakeout. When the little editor pointed at the Mercedes outside the publishing house and said that the driver must be very rich, only the heavens knew how nervous the man got, even though the editor was looking at the car and not its driver……

The man wanted to get close to the little editor, yet he didn't dare to meet him too hastily, because he was afraid that the little editor would avoid him because he was a man, and a gay at that……so he would send some vacuum-packed foods that had long expiry dates to the publishing house once every few days. He guessed that the little editor would definitely think that they were sent over by a careless author who had forgotten to sign the package.

"Pa da!"

Xia Xiao's chopsticks fell to the floor. Kuang Jianfan stood up and walked out, then asked an attendant for an extra pair of chopsticks and passed it to Xia Xiao, then the other party received his new chopsticks in a daze.

He had indeed received snacks from an anonymous sender quite a few times, and even excitedly said that it must be sent over by some idiot who forgot to sign them, then he had generously shared the snacks with his colleagues.

And he had pointed at a black Mercedes that's parked in front of the publishing house all year long and had said, why the fuck is this car always parked here, is it here to provoke us? I hate rich people!

And he had known this God who always teases him for a whole, three years.

It's just that Xia Xiao didn't know that this God whom he had treated as his emotional rubbish bin for three years, had been secretly in love with him for three years……

"That's so romantic! Ai, if one isn't gay then how could we fall in love too!"

"What about your husband?"

"Aiyo I just think BL is so meng8 la, in my next life I want to be born as a guy, my husband will definitely still want me la!"

"You actually want to turn into a man! Jiejie you are as shocking as lightning from the heavens!"

"Go and die ba!"

【Forgot My Medicine】:So how was it? Did you manage to show off today?

【Editor XO】:……why are you using your phone?

【Forgot My Medicine】:I'm not home yet……

【Forgot My Medicine】:I promised someone to attend their recital, are you going?

【Editor XO】:Not going, I'm sleepy

【Forgot My Medicine】:If you talk like that I'll think that you're throwing a tantrum

【Editor XO】:What the fuck your sister! I'm not going!

【Forgot My Medicine】:Alright then, if you're not going then I'm not going

【Editor XO】:……

【Forgot My Medicine】:I've rented myself to you today, did you forget that? It's only 9pm now, there are still quite a few hours left

【Editor XO】:Your grandfather= =

【Forgot My Medicine】:Why are you scolding me again?

【Editor XO】:In a bad mood, just wanna scold you

【Forgot My Medicine】:I know why you're in a bad mood

【Forgot My Medicine】:Right now you're thinking, was what he said at the gathering the truth? Has he really been secretly in love with me for a whole three years? Or is it because I rented him for Valentine's today, so he was just saying all those nice words to make me look better?

【Editor XO】:Stop your narcissism ah

【Forgot My Medicine】:It's understandable for the Medicine God to be narcissistic

【Editor XO】:Get lost

【Forgot My Medicine】:That won't do, it wasn't easy for me to get here, if I don't even get to see you, then wouldn't my extra FOC rent go to waste?

【Editor XO】:What're you saying?

【Forgot My Medicine】:Open the door

Xia Xiao stood up from his computer. He thought that he was being ridiculous, open the door? Don't tell him, Kuang Jianfan is outside his door right now, how can that be? He must be joking again. But he still walked out of his room, past his living room, and opened the door with a slight tremble in his hands……

The man was wearing a nice shirt and suit pants, he held his phone in one hand and a bunch of roses in the other. When he saw that Xia Xiao had opened the door, he smiled and said, "I've been in love with you for three years, it wasn't easy for me to get an opportunity to provide extra rent. While I'm under rent, I can do housework and earn money, give deep kisses and serve as a bed warmer, and most importantly I'm pretty handsome and loyal; will someone be willing to rent me?"

Xia Xiao pursed his lips, within a moment he felt like his eyes had turned slightly sour. He coughed, then shot the man a glance and said, "You're really narcissistic."

"One word — rent, or not."

"Not renting……what's rented belongs to other people, I'm taking the whole package, you're mine."

******

【The God who Has Insomnia】:My comrades you don't have to wait anymore! Medicine God said that he won't be attending the recital today

【Counterfeit Goods】:Why!!!!

【The God who Has Insomnia】:For his lifetime ha~ppi~ness bei, Medicine God said that he'll be very busy tonight and he’ll make it up to us another day……

1. The original phrase is "七夕", which is the 7th day of the 7th lunar month i.e. the Chinese Valentine's Day. It's the day when Cowherd and Weaving maid are allowed to meet (牛郎织女)
2. "Lou" is a onomatopoeia that signals a warning
3. It's an eye for an eye, but an added meaning is that you treat the person in the same way they had treated you; so eg. if a thief stole your wallet then you steal his wallet as payback
4. Original phrase is "以身相许", which means to offer yourself as a marriage partner, usually in return for someone's favour or a debt
5. To eat gunpowder in Chinese figuratively means that you're very angry
6. Bragging in Chinese is literally "blowing cow", so in this case he has blown/bragged so much that the cow can fly now
7. He/She/It are all pronounced 'ta' in Chinese, so pronouns may cause a bit of a confusion sometimes. In their conversation Editor XO used the male 'he', but sometimes when we type in Chinese we might just be too lazy to change the male 'he' to a female 'she', so he's saying like "just because I used the male 'he' doesn't mean I'm talking about a guy!!!' but he was. Our little editor is as gay as gay gets
8. Lolol calling Xia Xiao as "Xiaxia" is a very cute/intimate way of calling him
9. Meng = moe

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